Looking back so soon? and the night I almost had the baby....

So remember in my last post when I said I wanted to "look back" on how I was feeling when the whole job crisis hit? Well I am very blessed that it has been a relatively short period of time since I wrote that and I already have good news. This Tuesday, less than a week after I found out about the whole job and preK thing, the board voted to reinstate all the jobs they had put to half time back to full time for next year! They had enough money left over in this years budget to buy all of our supplies for next year, so next year's supply budget and whatever was budgeted for people to attend conferences (no conferences next year) will be used to make up the other half of the 3 teacher's pay that would have been cut in half. Thank God, we will still have tight finances due to two kids in daycare, but at least there is now a chance of making it work. This was an unexpected development and I can't believe things turned around so quickly!

Speaking of turning around, I did make a trip to the hospital on Wednesdy night and we thought the baby was definately coming....but we were sent home because I didn't dialate enough. This is the part where I'm going to explain about my labor pains throughout the day, so if you are a guy who rolls his eyes every time women start to talk about labor and delivery, you might want to skip over it. I'm just saying.


Tuesday night I started feeling nauseaus and by Wednesday morning I had emptied most food out of my system and when I went to the dr. that morning I told them how I felt and how I had no appetite to eat anything. They said nothing about that being connected in any way to labor. Later I read from multiple sources how sometimes your body is getting you ready for labor and that is very common before women go into labor....maybe my dr. should read more? Anyway - I left the dr. office, went to school and dragged myself around all day. Felt like I was back in my first trimester again, haven't felt like that at all since then.

So about 1:00 or so I start getting some seriously intenes Braxton Hicks like contractions (the BH has been going on for weeks) except they are accompanied with pain this time and they happened constantly. I was uncertain as to whether it was anything I should worry about but I basically ignored them and went about my day.

4ish - stayed at school a little late to get everything set in case I didn't come back in, I just had a feeling something might happen. Pain becoming more often, but I wasn't sure it was anything to worry about. Eric gets home and asks if we are going to CT this weekend, I say no - I feel like something is going to happen before then, who knows it could be tonight. So Eric starts cleaning out the van, getting the car seat ready, packing stuff, vacuuming, doing dishes....I think he was nesting ;)

5:30 - took Genni to tumbling, lady at the desk asked when my due date was and says "wow you are so low, do you think you'll make it to the 9th??" I said no.....I really didn't think so.

7:30 Home and hanging out, things progressing - more contractions, more painful, now my lower back is involved in each one and it really feels like it starts in the front of my stomach and travels back and then down to my legs. I realize they are really starting to feel like the cotractions I had with Genni before they broke my water....time isn't right though so I'm ready to wait out the night and figure by morning we'll be heading over.

10:00ish definately feeling more intense measureable contractions - once I reach 7 contractions in a row at 6 minutes apart and lasting over a minute I call the dr and ask what to do....the main thing I remember from that conversation was "well I don't have a crystal ball" very helpful. So we called mom and she came over and then left for the hospital. We arrived there about midnight - everything still going strong.

We were at the hospital till about 3:15AM, they monitored me and at first the contractions were 5 minutes apart, but I was only 2 cm dialated. So after about an hour the nurse said that the dr said (why the dr can't just come tell me I don't know, thought I paid for that but whatever) I can try walking around for a bit and see if I get any more dialation or I can go home. Home? Seriously? I'm mentally prepared for being here and having a baby and you're talking about sending me home? You mean I have to go through this whole process again? How often? Well we walked for about 45 minutes, no change in dialtion, so we went home - disappointed, very tired, and for my part embasrrased that I had been so sure and now I was on my way home.

We got home from the hospital about 4AM, crashed in the living room since mom was in our bed and caught up on sleep. I didn't go into school, I started out the day depressed and embarrased to talk to anyone who knew we had gone to the hospital the night before and was wondering if we'd had the baby yet. I'm in a better place now, willing to wait, but still anxious to see my little boy. After reading alot about so called "false labor" and how people can go into "real labor" and just not have the hormone levels to sustain it I feel like we belong in the second category, since my contractions do not sound like how they describe false labor. I also saw plenty of message boards containing many people who have goe through the same thing, so I don't feel as bad now. I do know that this time I'm not going to the hospital till my water breaks or the pain is too much to bear....I don't want to get sent home again. Don't tell Eric though, he doesn't like that attitude and thinks we should go before that (says he doesn't want to deliver the baby on the side of the road). I'll just wait and see what happens these next few weeks. Right now Liam is literally kicking my butt, so I'm going to go walk around and see if I can get him to stop:). I'll keep you updated!

Jobs....beware I whine in this one

Preface - two teachers have one child and one more on the way, pay a mortgage each month on a modest house and two car payments, student loans for both, car insurance etc. Finally seem to be getting money under control and loans down to a manageable level, our year of paying out the nose for the student loans is over and finances look optimistic. Maybe we can even go on a vacation in the summer of 2011 since we've never even had a honeymoon....hey you never know....should have known something would go wrong.

So back in March, maybe the end of February my superintendent approached me with the "possibility" that my job may be cut because of budget problems (less state aid). A few days later a faculty meeting was called reprimanding us for starting rumors....they then changed their tune from cutting my job to cutting my job in half (oh you must have misunderstood us, yeah right). Not just mine, the art job and one of the english jobs where going to be half time and one of the special ed jobs was still totally cut. This I have to say really made me angry - to think I could do all I do with half the time! They kept saying that enrollment was going down in the school.....the enrollment in my program will only go up next year because I have NO seniors this year...the numbers published in the newsletter recently about the budget show a 5 person decrease for next year (since that was printed we actually had 5 people enroll at school). There is no enrollment issue, they tell the public that there will be no sacrifice in program but they are wrong because not everyone will get lessons and there will be no trips, no solo fest, no all county, no nothing. I can't fathom what their reasoning is - but that is just one issue.

So in April they approached me with an offer, JT would like to share me for a year to replace a sabbatical - was I interested....not my ideal but at least I have a full time option....lets do it. We rearrange the schedule and off we go. A few weeks later they ask me if I would be OK if they did it through BOCES, it would cost everyone less. I ask lots of questions about tenure and step (they are still saying they want to hire me back full time the year after, I'll believe that when it happens) and they go off to ask BOCES, get me good answers and we set up a meeting at JT so I can see the place and find out what I'm teaching. It's all in the bag, we are all set, this is what's happening for next year.

So now it's May, we go to JT and they don't seem to think it's at all in the bag, but since they are all principals and the superintendents are missing we leave angry and frustrated with no information - my principal is angry too, this was a lot of work for her and the schedule is all switched up just for me. 3 more days go by - today I actually get an answer....well JT found out that they can hire a 1st year teacher at .75 for less than they'd pay for me half time since their starting salary is lower (who knew someone payed less than Bradford).

On another subject I've been being bounced all around with whether Genni can go to PreK or not, I had hope this week until today, got a no answer on that one as well. (We had always planned on sending Genni to PreK at Bradford since I'd be there already and it was full day and teachers kids where always allowed to attend as long as they weren't taking resident's spots. One kid in daycare at a time was the goal...two kids in daycare would break the bank)

So speaking of breaking the bank - If we had been able to put Genni in PreK we might have had a glimmer of hope of living with me on halftime - now we don't have any options. Well, my principal said I could stay every other day instead of half days and sub on the off days - but at $90 a day, once you take taxes and day care out what do I get? $20-30? I don't know.

So staying home, that's what everyone says...stay home and I still have at least a $2200 gap between what we need to pay and what we make on one salary, even with me still doing choir at the church. How do I make that work? Online positions are rarely legitimate, so making extra money that way is probably not feasible.

Hhuh, well I know not everyone who reads my blog is really interested in hearing my griping about job loss - I know I'm not the only one going through this so I don't expect special attention or pity or anything, I just want to make sure I get everything out now so that I can look back in a few months and remember how hopeless everything felt. Someday (soon?) when I find an answer to this conundrum I want to be able to read where I started.

The only thing I've ever wanted to do was teach high school band, and I'm very good at it. I'm so good at this thing that I love but I never get to prove it, I never get to show it because I've been stuck here unable to break in to the political game here - now I can't even remotely do what I love because I'm going to have to just take whatever will make me the right amount of money to pay the bills. I will look back on this period of my life someday...and hopefully I will come to the conclusion that I handled it the right way and provided for my family.

So here I go - teaching job, non-teaching job - who knows what's in store. Guess my goal now is to have the baby and then spend June, July and August seeing if anyone will hire me for a relatively high paying job that will make me at least as much as I was making full time at Bradford...stay tuned for the resolution to this part of the Griffin story.

My Genni

My Genni, getting so big - so many questions and answers, such an attitude sometimes and yet such personality. She's learning to much and getting so big so quickly that sometimes I just look at her and wonder how on earth such a big girl could have once been as little as the baby inside me right now. I wonder what she is going to be when she grows up but I don't even want to think about her being that big. I see myself in a lot of the things she does - she pretends to write lists like mommy, she likes to organize her jelly beans into color groups before she eats them so she likes to be organized too, but just like mommy even though she likes things organized she is often OK with leaving things a mess if there are other things to do. She will be short like me the dr thinks, she is barely 30 pounds at 3 1/2 and I'm hoping she has inherited her fathers metabolism (she'll be happy for it in the future!) but she has my blue eyes. Somehow she has developed a very kinesthetic sense of movement, always dancing and she loves tumbling class, we think she might be a dancer when she grows up, I have no clue what side of the family she got that from. She loves to sing and will often break into song and sing verses I never knew she could to songs....it's always impressive to me. Her memory of places and things she has done boggles my mind. She knows exactly where we are in the car and what places are near it if we have ever been there before, remembers things from last spring and summer and even before that, it's uncanny. When we were in Philly in February we went to a museum - she talks about walking through the heart - we watched a video on Benjamin Franklin - she can still tell me about it - I had no idea she was even paying that close of attention to it. I love that she seems to have a natural love of learning (though I suppose all kids could be like this, but I like to think she is special) She has daddy's quick temper and is easily frustrated when things don't work out - it's funny sometimes and I have to try not to laugh in front of her.

Recently she has taken to dressing up in her Halloween costume every chance she gets, it's too small on her now and is becoming a bit tattered but she thinks it will last forever....at least she hasn't asked to wear it out yet..strike that she did want to wear one of her dress-up dresses to the store the other day, and despite parenting magazines that tell us not to fight with our kids about clothes and to let them have their own identity....I told her no and she went to her room to change without much argument. It's going to take a lot to convince me that I should let her wear her halloween costume out in the spring....Guess I'll be accused someday of squashing her creativity and her identity, but I'm not going to allow it if I can help it!

Recently Genni has become addicted to TV - I have always limited how much she watches but now she has become totally engrossed so that I can't get her attention during a show and she spends more time than she used to trying to negotiate more TV time. At least she is still good about shutting it off if I give her enough notice, but she likes it a little too much for me. This summer we will have to be very careful, I'm thinking of instituting a weekends only TV rule....now if I could just get Eric to stick to it too! That is funny!

Although we have kept a pretty good picture and video record of Genni's life it amazes me how far we have come and how quickly it seems to go, I want to make sure that I remember the things that she does that make her special and keep track of how her personality and interests change as she gets older. She is such a loving child and I think as parents we always think about and dread what they might be like as teenagers and as they get older....I want her to stay my cuddly little girl forever, but I want her to grow up and be a confident strong woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. I want her to make a difference if that is what interests her, but I never want to lose those little girl snuggles and kisses and the spontaneous I love you's. I want her to grow up and be successful, but I don't want to let go of having control of her life so that she doesn't get hurt. I'm so nervous about sending her to school and letting other people in on forming her into the person she is meant to be, but I'm a public school teacher and I do believe in the system. I'm afraid our lives our going to change so much when Liam is born in a few weeks, but I can't wait to hold our new little baby in my arms. I know everyone says that we will make the adjustment just fine, but even as much as I already love this baby I'm anxious for the change....I already have so much love for my little girl, I don't want to lose any of that, yet how can I love them both this much? I know my fears and anxiety are the same thing everyone goes through - but now I can look back on this post in a few months and answer my former self on how it's possible to have this much love for two people, and write how my daughter adjusts to it and watch us all grow as a family. Till next time!

Review....

I have so many ideas about what my next blog post should be, but I feel an obligation to at least catch you up on why this has been my worst inactivity since I started this blog. This year has gone by so quickly and was so filled with stuff, it's amazing! Looks like my last post was when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, had the ultrasound where we found out I was carrying our boy, and lost our doggy companian Wallace to a car. That means I have about 15 weeks to catch you up on, and I'll give you the shorthand of what went on between January and today.

End of January - Eric and I both brought our students to the Solo Fest in Prattsburgh, and I was very happy not to be in charge for once!!

February - Super Bowl Party at the Simon's - great times and great food! Genni was so captivated by Michelle's little baby that she was right by her side every time she would nurse or change the baby. Genni is so excited about having a little brother I think she was researching what little babies do :).
Prism Concert - Very well done, West High had a great night for music!
Winter Recess - Would have been nice to get everything done we wanted too but Eric and I where both so sick that we actually had his mom come over and watch Genni, it's the first time we have both been out of commisson at the same time. I had so many plans for that week, but we ended up spending most of it in bed with the stomach flu, I don't recall ever feeling worse than that, ever. I would go through labor again before having the stomach flu.....wait it looks like I will be! Haha
Throughout this month Eric was also hard at work building the set for Peter Pan and I was hard at work with rehearsals - singing and dancing....yes the pregnant chic choreographed and taught a dance, which I have to say looked pretty darn good in the end!

March - Music Teacher Hell.....

Ok, here we go, in the month of March Eric's dad had surgery on his nose, we had 2 All-County Festivals, we went on the band trip with West to Philadelphia, we did 5 performances of Peter Pan, and we worked full tilt every day to finish the set and make sure the kids where ready for production week. And when we weren't doing all that we were teaching or I was trying to finish the mammoth of a schedule that is bringing 5 counties, 850 students, 20 adjudicators, and 25 adjudicator trainees to Bradford for the 2 day NYSSMA Solo and Ensemble Festival. I HATED the schedule aspect, but at least now I'm good at it. The show went well, we were happy to do it but also happy when it was done so we could have a life again. Such a small paragraph for such an enormous month!

April -

Well we start April with Easter, Genni had a blast with my parents up for the weekend and Easter Egg Hunts and candy and church and dying eggs, she was very happy! The next weekend Eric and I went to the East Musical Pippin, and I had the NYSSMA Festival which was a remarkable success I think, but a lot of walking and a ton of work. I was glad when that was over too, but I think it was worth it. Then we just had the normal meetings and drumline rehearsals before Spring Break. We did get a ton done during Spring Break including but not limited too - tons of laundry, sealing the driveway, installing carpet in Genni's room, painting Liam's room, cleaning up most of the house, weeding, tilling the garden, planting things....at the end we needed a vacation from our vacation! The next week I had my concert and we took my kids on their band trip to DC and VA. LOTS of walking and not a lot of sleep, but everything went well and now that is another thing on the list of "done". As an aside, my daughter now pretends to write lists just like mommy, and now that she has put on her list for mommy to have her baby brother it is OK for him to be born it seems.....I told him he must wait till after Memorial Day weekend though!

Well that is a really short recap, I'm going to add pictures soon, and hopefully now I'll be more on track with my posts!!